Love Sucks

Feeling a little broken hearted today. Strange. I was riding home on the bus a few nights ago eavesdropping on the conversation behind me. This boy, he must have been 16 or 17, was on his cell phone telling his friend he never wanted to fall in love again. He couldn't imagine ever having to go through that kind of pain again. Word. Who hasn't been there? When I was 17 all I wanted was to fall in love. All my friends started dating before me. Wisconsin was not a kind place to me. And when I did start dating, it was a disaster. Love is never like TV says it should be. I'd like to say that it's gotten better, and maybe if you ask me another day, I could give you a different opinion, but in this moment, I am little tired of the emotional roller coaster. I think it would suck never to fall in love again, but it's kind of shitty either way. I want things to be simple, but they aren't, so here is what I wrote, my hate poem to love:

You are the indelible shadow on my heart

the bruise that doesn't fade,

the wound that bleeds cyclically,

my stigmata,

my good thing gone bad,

my best thing I wish I had never had,

the black star

on my iris

clouding my innervisions

You are a collection of my worst decisions

the division between sobriety and stupidity

the antidote to the simplicity

of an existence that is drama free

You are the Seth to my Osiris

ripping through me

shredding the fabric of my self esteem

You are the chaos that rains on my fire

until I feel small and squelched

and not in control

You asked me to dance

and I thought I said no.

Maybe I said yes...

but the answer was no

I'll say it louder the next time

I feel the seductive pull of you

the kiss on a bare shoulder

a warm hand

at the base of my spine

fireworks in my night sky

The haze of unspecified desire

won't move me to speak your name

I know you're a liar

Every time, you promise

to take me higher,

but elevation

is just a temporary levitation

before the crash.

I'm not afraid of heights

I just hate the fall.