The Couch Off

The invitation read: "It all began with innocent bantering between two colleagues at the World Affairs Council--"my couch is better than yours." It was all fun and games; a laugh here and joke there. But now, it has been taken to a whole other level, evolving into a "couch off". " Which is where I went last night.

One of my dear friends from grad school commonly referred to as C or Shoshana on this blog, recently purchased a lovely rose colored couch. It's classy, kind of antique looking with nice lines. It's elegant and a fitting addition to her place. Rumor has it, this couch was Shera in a past life and spent a lot of time helping humanity. As a Midwesterner, Shoshana is prone to the occasional bout of shit talking...and that's how it all started. Being non-profity geeks, Shoshana and her co-workers took this idea and ran with it. They created a party hosted by four separate couches and their respective owners. There was a pre-couch survey where the owners of said couches were ask questions such as: "Where was your couch born? What was you couch in a past life? How many things can it do?" and etc. Answers were then compiled into a hand out and distributed to guests. They also had ballots in which we could rate the couch in various categories including, how well it fit with the decor, how well it fit with the owner, comfort, mobility, and etc.





Shoshana's house was the kick off house. As a master delegater, she put me in charge of drinks and music. I made pomegranate mojitos (which matched the color of the couch perfectly) and picked a nice eclectic mix of international lounge music. It was fun, and strange. Her place is a studio, but very spacious with hardwood floors and a lot of Japanese influenced art / wall hangings. After a drink, some appetizers, more shit talk, and casting our ballots, we moved onto the next couch in a whole different area of town.

The Danish couch was brown and funky in a trendy cool way. It seats 4-5 people comfortably. Its a bit of a show couch though, as it was placed directly opposite a much uglier and infinitely more comfortable couch. The decor was very That's So 70s Bachelor Pad complete with gin or vodka martinis and fruity jelly beans. Above the couch was a blank wall onto which a projector streamed psychedelic images to go with the Paul Oakenfold. Onward we traveled, to the biggest apartment yet.





Couch 3 was a deep dish sofa that felt like it was swallowing you whole. It was very adult and plush, to go with the jazz, mini quiche and wine. This couch was a baby duck in a previous life and boasts of talents such as: writing maudlin poetry, creating charts in excel, negotiating peace accords, singing ballads in dead languages, beating you in Guitar Hero, and doing the Sunday NY Times crossword in pen. It was also guarded by a very voluptuous cat.







We were getting too drunk to carpool, so we cabbed onward to our final couch of the evening, a navy blue reclining couch from High Point, North Carolina, the "furniture capital of the world". This couch can recline, seduce, win a game of connect four in three moves, negotiate with terrorists, slam a revolving door, compost metal objects, and isn't claustrophobic. It lives in a small studio, most of which is taken up by a bed. Between the bed and the couch there is just enough space for a narrow walkway that leads to a galley kitchen. The couch, though southern, is worldly enough to have Spanish tastes. It's owner imported Cuarenta y Tres (43 a vanilla liquor commonly served with coke in the pubs of Salamanca) and prepared a lovely Spanish tortilla, which was all irrelevant because the couch was so lusciously comfortable.

After a small altercation with the neighbors, who were un-used to anyone trying to host 20-30 tipsy people for a couch off in a studio, we made our way to a local bar where we had tator-tots, sweet potato fries and a few pitchers of beer, while the votes were tallied.

The Results:
Shoshana's couch was judged as having the best taste in drinks, best color, and over all vibe.
The Danish couch was judged most like its owner.
The giant, deep, eat you alive couch, was just as the best fit for the space and decor.
And the winner of this year's couch off...rated the most insanely comfortable, well made, cool featured couch was the last and finally couch, a couch with a texture of a baby's ass, the navy blue recliner from North Carolina.

A good night was had by all, though I still contend that had my couch entered, it would have won. It is the perfect combination of the best of the best, soft, cushy, but not too deep, stylish, bright red, and fabulous.