I started my new job on August 1st, though I can't technically quit my old job until September 1st. In the meantime I am using my insurance as much as possible, experimenting with acupuncture and getting my back adjusted. I will say this for my crappy job, it has a great benefits package. I am beginning to discover some of the benefits of my new job though. My boss is really nice. That is a huge plus. Also there is no shortage of treats. Turns out, I work with a whole bunch of Leos, so every few days there is another birthday (mine is Monday) and each birthday is celebrated with some kind treat and a little community time.
Today was my boss' birthday, so we had a special breakfast...fresh blueberries, granola, yogurt, scones, and cinnamon rolls. Afterwards I went to work on some of the most mind numbingly boring tasks ever. After a while I though I might go blind from staring at the computer screen. It occurs to me that I have been very focused on the teaching aspect of my job and not so much on what it would be like to do the administrative stuff. With no kids until after Labor Day, I am realizing how much I really don't like working in general. I'm not a lazy ass...I can and do work hard and well, it's just that when I stop for a moment to think if I am happy, there is a loud voice in my head that says "I could be sing karaoke!" Or writing, or painting, or sleeping or any number of other things that would be infinitely more inspiring.
I have a friend that sometimes reminds me of Eyor from Winnie the Pooh. She is constantly in a state of mopey crabbiness and she has told me repeatedly to suck it up and give into the truth, that truth being that work is always bad even when it's easy and the pay is good. I don't want this to my truth, but I can't help but wonder what I can do to make everyday a better day.
When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining (always a luxury in Seattle) and I felt healthy and energetic. I spent some time meditating on my half completed vision board, reading through the weekly affirmations of my small group in the class I take at the Center for Spiritual Living, and just in general praying. I left the house in high spirits, but fast forward 8 hours...and I feel wretched. No horrible thing happened to me at work. Everyone was kind to me and treated me with respect. And yet I can't help wondering, is that all there is? Do you just pick the least irritating version of a job you can and hold onto it until you retire...what kind of life is that, a continuous state of holding your breath for weekends and vacations. I can't wait for the kids to get to school....but what happens if school starts and I still feel listless. Really and truly there has to be something better. I'm just having trouble getting there from here.
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