Moving

After 3 weeks of living in the squirrel infested attic of a friend's house, and mourning the loss of what I thought was my dream job, I moved into the apartment I've lived in for the last 2 years and accepted the crappy job that sucked my soul for about the same amount of time. It was an ill-conceived plan in many ways, my move to Seattle. I had just turned down a lucrative, but probably really boring job at ASU, when I was rejected from my top two dream jobs, after having been shortlisted for both. I was in limbo, not wanting to stay in Arizona, but running low on cash and not really finding a lot of jobs. So I decided against all rational thought to move back to Seattle with no job, very little money, and no real place to live. I made it work though, with the help of a very supportive community of friends.

I found a small apartment that has been my home. I loved being close to the lake and to the cafe before it closed down. I didn't always love my neighbors, especially the crazy ones, but it is amazing the things you get can get used to.

In August I started my new job. I also began the process of looking for a new place to live. With my constant stream of visitors and the addition of my unexpected roomate, I just didn't have enough space. Plus I had developed a huge aversion to the 358...hands down the bus preferred by the transient,incontinent, and mentally ill. Finally after months of trolling craigslist and schlepping from one nightmare apartment to the next, I found a place. Though the timing was insane, what with the wedding of my friend taking place in California, and the fact that I had been sick all week, I still managed (again with lots of help) to move on Sunday.

I love my new place. It's much bigger than my old place, and well laid out. Mz. Blu finally has a legitimate space of her own as well, and I don't have to save my quarters up to do laundry anymore. It's light, the floors are hardwood, and my neighbor doesn't seem to be crazy. It's also much closer to school.

While I am really happy, I also feel a strange unexpected anxiety. I still wake up to my vision board in the morning. And it's easy to see that I've come a long way towards manifesting my vision. In some ways it feel like it's taken forever, in others I feel astounded by how quickly my life has changed. I am so used to having to fight for everything that when it's easy, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. How do I change my consciousness? I don't want to always expect life to give me shit. At CSL they always ask you "How good can you stand it?" I always kind of thought it was a stupid question. I mean who doesn't want to be happy? Who wouldn't appreciate some extra blessings here and there? But then I am reminded of the Matrix. There is that part where the computer is explaining how they had tried to create an a matrix full of peace and bliss, but it didn't work because the humans kept trying to wake up. It's like they couldn't accept that something so good could be true. I don't want to be like that. So I guess for now, I'll just stand in gratitude for all the wonderful things coming my way.