Missing Shoshana

There are some things you just know. I was born understanding that my life is a journey.I don't always understand the journey or know why I have to go where I have to go, but I have had several salient moments of absolutely knowing that I was en route to somewhere I had to go. Like Japan for example: After 8 years of studying Spanish, I announced to my friends and family that I was moving to Japan. It was crazy, illogical, and not at all what I rationally thought I might want to do, but I also knew there was something there for me. I felt like I was supposed to go. So I went, and though it was hard, it was amazing and it really helped to shape who I am now. I had a similar experience before grad school. After 3 near death experiences in Thailand, I had a messenger tell me to go to SIT. I didn't want to go back to school. I never want to go back to school. SIT was definitely akin to the Jonah story. If I hadn't finally given in and gone, I felt like some natural disaster would have befallen me and forced me to relocate to VT. Sometimes the Universe has a lesson and you don't get to opt out.

So when Shoshana first told me about the dreams she kept having about going to DC, I knew, almost before she did, that she would have to go. But I hoped she would stay. I hoped selfishly, for all the wrong reasons, that things would miraculously work out, and things did work out...but in favor of her going.

She left a few weeks ago, and though we've talked several times a week, often for hours at time, I feel her absence. I have tons of friends, but each person has their special place and I don't think I realized how much I counted on Shoshana to be there for me...if only to share a meal, or bitch about the rampant passive aggressiveness of Northwesterns.

Shoshana, I miss you so much. I'm so glad that you have this opportunity and that are doing what you have to do. I'm thrilled about all the amazing things that are happening for and to you, but it really sucks to be the one left behind.

Funny, in saying that I realize that why this is so hard. I leave. I am the leaver, not the one left behind. When am I ever in on place long enough to be left behind? Almost never, but even in this bittersweet moment, I feel even more at home than before. Everything is falling into place for me as well, and I am comforted with the knowledge that I am exactly where I should be. Your sister in the journey....