At the hospital again. For a person like me who has never broken a bone or had any kind of surgery (knock on wood) I have spent way too much time at the hospital. This time was different though in that instead of being there with my mom to visit my grandma, I came to hang out with my mom while she gets a new knee.
A few years ago, I was hanging out with my Dad and I asked him when I would feel like an adult. He just laughed and said he'd let me know when it happened to me. Well yesterday was the day. We woke up early and headed to the hospital. Mom checked herself in and did all the stuff you have to do, but then I realized that I would be acting as her power of attorney if anything went wrong. This is the only time since I was little that I kind of wished I had siblings. As they wheeled her away and left me to occupy myself in the waiting room, I had this awful realization that one day it might just be me. People die...it's not exactly a newsflash...but I guess I just hadn't really spent much time thinking about what it would be like to lose my family. Hopefully I won't have to find out anytime soon, but it did make me realize in a new way that I am a grown up now...an adult responsible for my actions, for my life, and for my family.
There is a part of me that thinks this trip is selfish and maybe even foolish. It's certainly not the adult thing to do right? Over and over again I get the backhanded compliment "I wish I could do that? Just pick up and go," most often followed by a list of all the obligations adults have. "I have to pay bills. I can't afford to take that kind of time off from my job. I have to...blah, blah, blah." And on the other end, I have friends sending me job notices. "It takes a long time to get a job. Maybe you should just send out some applications before you go." I get it. I'm usually a very practical person and this is not a practical or rational thing to do...but then again, there is a part of me that just knows I'm on the right track. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm bad a fortune telling. As I sat in that waiting room wondering what was going to happen, I couldn't feel any particular intuition, just that nervous stomach feeling that it could go either way.
The surgery went off flawlessly. I spent the first hour waiting around with a 6 year old named Zoe who insisted on showing me her robotic pink poodle and her mechanical cat that was frozen due to lack of batteries. Then she read me an article from Highlights Magazine about this dolphin who was fitted with an artificial tail after being caught in a tuna trap. It was actually really interesting. Eventually they called her mother in to see whoever they were visiting. Though I learned a lot about dolphins and school and Zoe's neighborhood, I never did find out who they were waiting for. Once left to my own devices I watch a movie until the surgery was over. Afterwards they took my Mom to a private room where she could sleep and watch tv. I joined her and watched another movie on my computer.
She's doing well today, coherent, chatty, and very much alive. She walked from her bed to the hallway with the help of a walker. Even the physical therapist was very impressed by her strength. As for me, I'm just relieved.
2 comments:
You are definitely in the right space. Granted, adventures can be intimidating. But at this point in your life, the positives you will gain far outweigh the risks. You are in motion...enjoy. Glad to hear your Mom is doing well. Paula
Don't listen to all those people who think you should be doing something else. This opportunity is here for you now for a reason - you may never know the reason, but it's there. When we were traveling, any number of people would sigh and say, "I wish I could do that." And we would answer, "You can!" But they all had other excuses why they couldn't. Enjoy the journey!! So glad to hear the surgery went well. Best wishes to your Mom for an easy recovery. Miss you! Nancy
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