The Ghosts of Boyfriends Past: Getting The Lesson Already

Sometimes I am a little slow, not always, not often, but sometimes it takes me a while to learn the thing that is probably obvious to everyone else. Okay, so for those of you who might be in the middle of learning this lesson. Please take a moment to live vicariously through me...I mean why should we both have to suffer?

For the last two years I have been beseiged with the Ghosts of Boyfriends Past. That's right, I don't get dead white guys in chains, I get that phone call from the soldier I haven't seen in 8 years or the business owner turned cab driver I hadn't seen in 3 years. I look up from my treadmill and there is that dude who ditched out on going to the Me'Shell NdegeOcello concert with me (so indisputably his loss) or I round the corner and there is that thick Haitian-again.

*Side note: I once went back in reverse chronological order and wrote a haiku summation of every boy I've ever dated or not exactly dated. Trust: it's the best set of haikus you will never read.*

I digress, so after a few of these incidents which I admittedly did not always handle with the grace of a cool head, I realized that this was going to be some kind of theme. So I began to be prepared. I stopped flinching so visibly, even managed to exchange pleasantries. Maybe this was the Universe telling me to grow up or something. And then I got it in my head that it was the Universe giving me a second chance. This may be a spoiler, but let me just save you the suspense... that is not what the Universe was trying to tell me. I speak English. I am fluent in Spanish. I can get by in Japanese and even know a few words in French, Thai, and Portugese, but somehow I never know what they hell the Universe is talking about. Hate to be Republican about it, but really Universe SPEAK ENGLISH already.

As a result of my brilliant misinterpretation I actually found myself on some dejavou dates. I mean not every guy I've dated is a total douche bag...there were some quality candidates in that rejected pile. And that was in part a nice discovery, that I actually liked and had something to talk about with a few exes. I might have even salvaged a friendship or two from the Ex rubble (going against my solid rule of date and ditch foever), but as for romance. Nope. Not even. Time is not a cure all. Mostly what I discovered is that the reasons we didn't work were mostly still the reasons we didn't work.

So as for the lesson, got it. Trust your first instinct. If you aren't attracted to someone, if they aren't emotionally available, if you're not sure if you can trust him...you are right. So that was it right Universe? I got it, so you can stop sending them back my way. I am ready for new mistakes.