Tomorrow Morning

Though it's January and everything is supposed to be sparkly and new, mars is in retrograde...which for me means that I am traveling backwards in my mind, repeating the same patterns, traversing that familiar 18 inch path from head to heart and back through every decision I have made this year and through every event or moment that has made me. Who am I now, who have I been, who will I be? And what do I want? Today is the first MLK Day in years where instead of going to a march or participating in community service, I took some me time. Mz. Blu and I went out for pancakes then walked the longest possible route around greenlake laughing at the little dogs in costume and trying not to get run over by those crazy fitness moms running with strollers. It was a sunny day in Seattle, filled with that sense that everything is possible.

When I look back at 2008, this has proved to be true for me. I might just be living my version of the American dream. Despite the recession, I have a new job that I love, a new and improved living space, and several new and wonderful people gracing my life. I have been renewed in my faith and my spiritual practices and inspired to create beautiful works of art. And moreover, there is a new energy not just in my life or my immediate neighborhood, but in my country. Tomorrow, a change is gonna come...and not just in that far off distant ideal tomorrow that never seems to materialize, but actually on Jan 20...tomorrow, I get to be a witness, a participant in a moment in history that will change the face of this nation.

As I sit here, I know somewhere in AZ, my mom is racking her brain to think of what she will say tomorrow when she appears on the Today show to talk about the inauguration. I don't know if this will help you at all, but this is what I would say:

In general it is not easy to be an American. This is a strange nation built on the premise of freedom and the reality of oppression and exploitation. We are a nation of voluntary and involuntary multi-linguel, multi-ethnic, and multi-cultural immigrants who have spent the majority of our time at war with one another, if not officially and with weapon and legislation, then covertly with discrimination and subtle degrees of injustice. We are constantly struggling for the dream, for the ideal, to make this place called here and now into what America is supposed to be, a place of freedom, liberty, and peace and most of the time we fail miserably. Then we try and fail again.It is not easy, especially as a black American, to see the trail of dead bodies that litter our history and know that this country, my country, is founded, literally steeped in the blood of people who look like me. The systemic oppression, exploitation, and condemnation of people of color is nothing new or unknown, but we must remember it today and tomorrow especially because without acknowledging all that has come before today and tomorrow would not be as significant.

I feel that it is important to bring up our history because without it, tomorrow would just seem like another day, but it's not just another day. It is a day of deep symbolic importance, it is a day of proof, not only that change can and will come, but that after all this time America is ready to let us in. Please don't misunderstand, I am not under any delusions about the state of this nation. We still have so far left to go, racism still exist and there are still so many problems left to solve, but I finally feel like we are really on the journey, that my citizenship is real, not some false promise, not some intangible ideal. When Barack Obama becomes our president, not only do we say goodbye to 8 miserable years of Bush, but we welcome an era where people of color can actually be president. Words simply fail to express how momentous this occasion really is. I grew up with parents who always told me that I could be or do anything I wanted, but now that might actually be true. It seems like some boundary inside of me is breaking, it feels like anything is possible.That is what tomorrow means to me...