Since Shoshana first introduced me to the Center for Spiritual Living, I knew it was something special, but I was hesitant to get involved. Though I felt really moved the first time I attended a service, I also felt a little uncomfortable, like it was just a little too "woo woo" for a sarcastic God questioner like myself. Still, I couldn't help but go back. I liked the music and the message was always so on-point. Then one Sunday I happened to be there for a prayer service. The prayer services take place about once a month. Instead of there being a little meditation, some singing, and a sermon, everything is combined into one continuous prayer. We don't just talk about praying or leave a silent space to fill in with your own prayer, we pray together, out loud and it is very powerful to put the theory into practice. I can't really describe it properly, but the feeling is one of complete connection to God and to everyone and everything around you. The service was both inspiring and transformative in a way that made it impossible for me to ignore. I knew then that I had found what I had been missing, so I signed up to take Beyond Limits, the first in a series of spiritual foundation courses.
During the past 2 months, I have spent 3 hours every Monday night studying the science of the mind. In addition to learning about the history of the church, there was also ample opportunity to read about the philosophy and beliefs of religious science and to ask questions. For the first few hours, we had class in a large group, then we split up into small groups.
In the beginning the small group was very challenging for me. I am by no means a shy person, but I am a very private person (as private as you can be when you have a blog :) ) and my relationship with God is probably one of the things I am least likely to talk about to a stranger. Naturally I was very uncomfortable.In the big group there seemed to be a little more anonymity. You only had to speak if you felt moved to do so, and there were so many other people who had plenty to say and seemed to feel no hesitation at sharing (in depth) their whole spiritual histories. But in the small group there was nowhere to hide.
I really got a lot out of the readings though, and gradually as I began to meet people and speak with them individually I began to feel more comfortable sharing and asking questions. Moreover I began to make connections with the people in my small group. I think there is something about praying with and praying for someone that bonds you. My class ended last week, and yesterday I attended the 3 hour membership class and became an official member of CSL.
So what does that mean? It means that now I have responsibilities. I am invited to contribute to the community, not just financially, but by volunteering my time and gifts. I am also invited to avail myself of more in depth classes that will help develop my spirituality. I have to admit, once I was in class and we were reading through the commitments and our value statements, there was nothing I disagreed with, but I still felt the vestiges of my previous panic because I was basically throwing away my right to anonymity. I am now a part of the community in an official capacity.
During the first week of my Beyond Limits class we had an assignment to bless everyone that we ran across during our day. I tried this...though admittedly by the middle of the day I kind of forgot to keep it going...but one thing I noticed was that it is impossible to bless someone that you are ignoring or trying to keep at a distance. I don't know if it's because I don't know how to bless someone without looking at them and that eye contact becomes a catalyst for them to want to connect with me or if simply acknowledging someone on a spiritual level automatically creates a connection. I guess that's what joining CSL has been like. I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn't do both. I either had to accept that I had been called to be a fully integrated part of this community that has fed and renewed my soul or I had to let it go. I made my choice and I know it is a departure from my upbringing, but the best choice for me in my here and now.
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