The Brazilian

I pine. I lust. I drool....well okay not quite, let's not get ahead of ourselves. R drools for no man! But I must admit it is tempting. I met the Brazilian a few months ago. He is a friend of some very good friends of mine. They kept mentioning him and even showed me a picture, which did not do him justice. He has these brown sparkling eyes and these gorgeous fat lips. Plus he is sweet and charming and really muscular and funny. I can only look at him for short periods of time before I have to refocus my attention to keep from just blatantly staring. I have a bit of an honesty problem. When I see someone I like, I want to just walk up to them and say "Hi I really think you're hot and you should adore me" (which is actually kind of how I got my last ex), but I realize one has to be a little more subtle. There are rules involved...proticol and whatnot. 2 seconds after meeting the Brazilian, I met his amazingly gorgeous glamazon girlfriend, who was not only totally friendly, but witty and intelligent...I mean nothing hateable about her at all. She's bad-ass. So I put him out of my mind and focused on missing that Big Round-headed Boy (HB for short, as my friend Crazy T refers to my ex).

HB is a jerk. He's a smoker. He drinks too much. He gambles. He took me for granted. And it was recently confirmed that he is a shameless liar and a cheater. If I saw him on the street today, it would take all my self control not to wheel kick him in his big round head. Now HB does have some redeeming qualities, (there were reasons I fell in love with him), but none of them are coming to mind right now, so back to the story. Over the weekend, one of my friends came to visit from Cali. I met up with her and some of my other favorite people for happy hour at the Wasabi Bistro (cheap hot sake...that's what's up) and there he was (like double cherry pie!). The Brazilian was just as hot as I remembered...but girlfriendless!

So here is my mental quandry: What do I want? And how do I get it? I am attracted to him, but seriously, I don't know him well enough to really like him or not. How can I get to know him without staring at him too much or making it awkward? I am feeling really socially moronic lately....like my shoes are tied together and I'm standing at the top of a flight of stairs. I'm not new to this really, but sometimes I feel out of my depth. I grew up in Wisconsin. I didn't date until my senior year of high school...and that is an awkward flashback I don't choose to share today.

Also I just kind of got my heart kicked in. Am I even ready to play these stupid games again? Is he? And they are stupid, these games. Oh God, Crazy T has been staying with me for the last few days, which in and of itself is an education. She is goofy, but full of knowlege about the whole "guy" thing. She has this complicated system of handling her men. There are lists and rules. If someone doesn't call when they should, they get put on restriction. Or if she is interested in somebody, but finds out he is a player, he gets put on the known ho list. Whatever happened to dating and romance? Was that just a tv movie I saw one too many times? I want things to be simple. I'd like to just meet someone and get a sense of who they are, then go from there, but how can I even do that without being too obvious? And why is it that I barely even meet guys worth talking about? I'm feeling whiney and irritated, so I'll stop here, but if you read this shoot me some advice...