Absolution

Forgiveness. Yes. It's a concept. It exists. My recovering Catholic friends tell me that Jesus will absolve you of all your sins if you just admit them and say you're sorry. And it's not a one time thing. You can do the same bullshit over and over again and still get right with the Lord. Though I am not sure if they even really believe that. And Jesus is usually not the person I feel like I need forgiveness from anyway.

Here is my deep dark secret. I have hurt people, really cool people, people I love. And I realize that intent is irrelevant. I realize it because they have hurt me too, sometimes on purpose, sometimes on accident and the end result is exactly the same-total suckage.

So now what?What happens when you have confessed your sins and apologized? How do you move forward? How can you trust those other people not to hurt you again? How can you trust yourself not to hurt them either? They say scar tissue is the strongest tissue in the body, but no one talks about the fact that it is rigid, that it doesn't bend the way the unwounded areas do, and there is strength in flexibility. So I have started to pray, as though this might stretch my scars. I pray for true mutual forgiveness, for freedom from suckage, for protection from future hurts, for unicorns, and winning lottery tickets. And so far, no lotto.

How long does absolution take? Is it coming? Can I put my ear to the rails and listen for the rumble like an oncoming train? Just wondering...