Are we there yet?

Number 1 on the top 10 most annoying questions to ask on a journey, yet it's one I ask myself almost daily. Am I there yet? Am I on the path? Am I making good decisions? Am I happy? I don't know. Yes. I think so. Sometimes.

Today is day 2 back from Spring break, my long day actually and my first day back in the classroom. It went well. I had no real plan (I know I'm not supposed to admit that, but sometimes it just happens that way), but as soon as I got there and got the kids warmed up, I launched into a lesson on past tense and they totally got it. So maybe that's my miracle for the day. I'm grateful. And also a little distracted. During spring break, my boss made the big announcement. While I've known since August that I was going to leave, my kids just found out and they don't like it. Their parents wish me well when we pass one another in the halls,and if I'm not moving fast enough or don't look busy enough they pepper me with questions. Or really it's just the one question they nail me with every time: What are you going to do next?

Sometimes I say I'm going to travel. Sometimes I say I'm going to join the circus, write a novel, start a business, retire...whatever comes to my mind first. There is a part of me...probably the part that spent the morning stuffing envelopes like a trained monkey...knows that leaving my little school is actually a very good decision. But there is a part of me...the part that enjoys things like health insurance and regular paychecks...is saying...um Afro? Maybe you want to rethink this a little. Maybe you should sell that novel you just wrote before you leave the cushy steady paycheck thing. It seems no matter how much I change or grow, no matter how much my life evolves to support my dreams there is always this moment of self doubt, this moment of what the hell am I doing that keeps me wondering Am I there yet?

Maybe tomorrow.