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| Kaka with Coco |
My grandma, Barbara James, passed away early yesterday morning after a long battle with an array of illnesses. She was one of the strongest and most stubborn people I've ever met and for the most part lived life on her own terms. When I was little girl I named her Kaka because I couldn't pronounce the word crackers and I had begun to associate her with the saltines she would give me when I visited. We shared a lot of mutual interests especially books and hard candy. One of my favorite memories is of her reading me the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull (still one of my favorite books). Through that book we began a lifelong conversation about perseverance. Like Jonathan we both had goals in our life that others told us would be impossible given who we were. She instilled in me from a young age a sense of self confidence and a rebel spirit.
Mostly we spent holidays together, including the Christmas she, her friend Frances, and my mom came to visit me when I lived in Spain. Kaka was the one who taught me how to stuff a turkey. As a kid I would assist her in preparing our special holiday meals until I learned how to do it all. Then she would sit in the kitchen watching me cook, leaving me pieces of fudge on napkins and pouring sherry for my mother and I. One of our shared passions was putting decorations on the Christmas tree. During one of our last Christmases together we lost the boxes of ornaments we've been using for years (I still have no idea where they went), so we improvised. I found some silky ribbon long enough to wrap the tree and when I was finished she pronounced it the prettiest tree ever.
In 2010 Kaka became ill and I had the opportunity to live with her for two months while she recovered from a surgery. It was the longest time we'd spent together alone and I learned a lot about her. She didn't much care for vegetables and accused me of trying to broccoli her to death, but we both liked ice cream and Oprah. Sometimes when she was up to it she would tell me stories about her life, about meeting my grandfather and the challenges of trying to pursue a career in a place where black women were not welcome. Sometimes she was cranky and we argued, but mostly what I came to understand is that it is difficult to make a transition from being a person used to persevering and doing everything for yourself without having to ask for help to a person who needed support. Through this experience I learned compassion and grew to respect her even more for the woman she had been and the strength she still embodied.
Here is the official version of her obituary.
Barbara James, 88, of Des Moines, Iowa passed away April
2, 2015. She was born on May 21, 1926 to Pauline Humphrey and William Brown. An
only child, she raised by her mother who founded Crescent Beauty School, the
first black beauty school in the four surrounding states.
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| Barbara and Lewis on the their 25th anniversary |
Barbara graduated from East High School then passed the
state boards for her cosmetology certification before attending college. She
completed her Bachelors of Science Degree in Physical Education and English at
the University of Iowa where she met the love of her life Lewis A. James Jr.
D.D.S. They were married for 35 years
before he passed away.
During her tenure at the University of Iowa, she lived in
a home provided by the Iowa Colored Women’s Club because African Americans were
not yet permitted to live in the dormitories. She was the only black woman to graduate from
the College of Liberal Arts in June of 1947. Upon graduating, no Iowa public school
would hire her because of her race, so she moved to North Carolina where she spent
a year teaching at North Carolina A&T. Upon returning to Iowa, the field of public
education was still closed to her, so she became a social worker at Polk County
Welfare. She went on to receive her Masters of Science Degree in teaching from
Drake University and completed further post Masters Studies at Drake University
and the University of Wisconsin.
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| Grandma with Desmond Tutu |
Barbara became an Associate Professor and the Associate Director
of Teacher Corp. She spent 10 years training others to become better teachers
before the Des Moines School District relented and hired her to teach junior
high school English. Upon retiring Barbara continued to lead a very active
life.
A very spiritual woman, Barbara was an active member of the
Cathedral Church of St. Paul’s. She
served on the Diocesan Commission of
Ministry and the Episcopal Standing Committee on Ecumenism for the National
Church and was a delegate to the National Council of Churches. Barbara was a
consummate bridge player, a world traveler, an avid reader, a huge football
fan, a member of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, and a writer.
She is survived by her three children, Stanlie M. James,
Lewis A. James Jr., and Julie B. James, her four grandchildren, Jordan James,
Reagan Jackson, Lewis James the fourth, and Kellan Michael James, and two great
grandchildren.
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| Back row: Lewis 3, Janice, Bernice, Julie, Geraldine, Lewis 2 Front row: Barbara, Pauline, Stanlie |
Her motto, given to her by her grandmother Julie Diggs
was: “One monkey don’t stop the show.” Faced with many adversities Barbara was
a strong willed woman who put her faith in God and always found creative ways
to live her purpose and provide for her family.
A visitation and viewing will be held on the evening of
Monday, April 6, from 5-7pm at Henderson Funeral Home. Funeral Services will be
held on Tuesday April 7 at 11am at the Cathedral Church of Saint Paul 815 High
St., Des Moines, Iowa 50309. Shortly preceding the funeral there will be an
Omega Omega service open to any members of Delta Sigma Theta at 10am in the
chapel at the Cathedral Church of St. Paul.
