When the travel agent said $7,000, I thought...and that's just the airfare! No way. That's not realistic. And then my mind went spinning down a negative spiral of I can't...I can' afford this trip. I can't leave my job yet. I can't quit a perfectly good job when I don't have something else lined up. I'm surrounded by loads of overqualified unemployed people telling me that I am stupid or crazy or both for wanting to do this thing...maybe they're right. It went on and on.
And then the trip itself started to dissolve. My friends didn't get the funding to go to New Zealand, so I could go, but I wouldn't get to visit the Maori schools and I wouldn't have a place to stay. Then I heard from my friend who was headed to Colombia. Her brother became very ill, so she had to go early and when she got back, she realized she wouldn't be able to go in July...so I could go and stay with her family, but it wouldn't be the same. Moreover, after finally finishing the first draft of my novel, I am now totally off my time frame for edits, because I'm tired and cranky and busy trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Then I remembered, every one's journey is their own. And my journey is my choice. Maybe I'll make a botch of it, maybe I'll get half way around the world and realize I made a huge mistake...but let it be my mistake. I don't want to let it be my fears that dictate how I live, let it be my courage, let it be my faith that guide my actions. Moreover all this round and round of worries and what am I doing...has done nothing but make me dizzy and throw me off my center. So I took a deep breath and began again to reconnect with the vision I had for not just this trip, but my life. On June 17th, I'll be saying goodbye to my students and like them on the 23rd, I'll be graduating from this stage of my life. And also like them, whether I feel it or not, I am ready, ready to move on to my next adventure, ready to be open and flexible.
What came to me is that what happens next is all about raising my mental equivalent. My friend Eric said it best when he told me that whatever happened to me during my brief trip to Ghana last year shattered whatever ideas I was holding onto about who I could be as a black woman in this world. I became new. I did things I'd always wanted to do,but never had the courage or the discipline to do. It's no coincidence that this is the year I finally published my book of poetry and finished the first draft my novel. These things happened because I experienced a fundamental shift in my thinking. And as Eric says the genie is out of the bottle now...there is no going back, only forward...
But as I step further into my spirituality, and explore my freedom to really choose my life, I have had some weird experiences that I won't go into. It's come to my attention that now is a time I really need to learn more about energy work, self protection and of course how to let go. With these realizations, I have had to release my original idea for my trip and began to embrace the opportunities that are appearing.
I will still be leaving Seattle in July, but not for New Zealand or Colombia, but much closer fist to Portland, for some down time with my Dad, then to Arizona to help my mom as she recovers from knee surgery. While I'm there, I will be exploring the energy vortexes and meeting with a Native American Shaman in Sedona. From Arizona it is my intention to travel to Ghana and Morocco with Michael Beckwith, Rickie Byars Beckwith, and the Agape Spiritual Center...a sister church to the Center for Spiritual Living. From Morocco, I will head solo to Spain. From there I don't know...
So next week, I am taking the proceeds from the first red couch gallery and putting a down payment on my trip. Thank you again to everyone for contributing, not just to my travel fund, but to helping make my dream a possibility. And for those of you who couldn't make it, I hope to see you next Saturday for the next Red Couch Gallery!
The Red Couch Gallery
(the sequel)
Saturday, May 15
3:00 - 9:00PM
1804 N. 51stOur featured artists include: REJJ Arts, Tina Blu Creationz, Mikal Whoberry, AphroditeXchange, Euphorya, Pedro DeValdivia, Nick Morehead and more.
